"They still have desire that leads to masturbation or that may lead to sex with other people, but many men actually have low desire for their partners," he says.Many message board posters are already to the point of considering divorce.
It's notoriously hard to diagnose, because there are so many potential factors -- environmental, relational, medical, you name it. "When couples get together, there is that infatuation phase where there's a neuro-chemical cocktail stoking feelings of desire.There Kerner says it's "absolutely a toss of the coin as to who’s going to have the lower libido" in a heterosexual relationship."I meet many, many men with low desire, whether they are bored in their relationships or not attracted to their partners or stressed out at work or insecure about their position in the world." Research is increasingly showing that men who have low desire in their relationships don't necessarily have low desire outside of the context of their relationship, he says.Indeed, there are who, after soliciting advice from the community, post an update with subject lines like “Mental high-fives” to announce, “I totally got laid.” That woman in particular is struggling with a husband who has withdrawn from sex following the devastation of a miscarriage.There are ladies lamenting that their husbands frequently beg out of sex because of a “headache.” Role reversals like whoa!